Story - That Damn Bayliner!

[Sean Engle]

Ok - Since I started this, I thought I would be the first to contribute...

One of my favorite stories about sailing, anchoring and spending time on the hook is actually something I read in Latitude 38 while I was living and sailing in SF. The story goes like this:

Once upon a time, there was a couple with a beautiful 40' <insert favorite brand here> sloop. They had been married a long time and had lots of time together on the water. The couple had spent all day out sailing - both were sunburned and exhausted.

They had managed to find a medium-sized, yet somewhat secluded cove somewhere in SF Bay (don't ask…); had gotten a good bite on the hook (first try), and now he was setting up the grill, straightening up the cockpit and settling in with a nice cold beer. She was below, pulling together the food for dinner, etc. Both were pleased at finding such a great location so late in the day - and as the sun dropped behind the hills it appeared it they were in for a wonderful evening.

Then it happened. He went below to get another beer while the steaks were burning on the grill - and he thought he heard screws in the water around them. Poking his head up in the companionway, he could not believe his eyes.

There entering the cove - THEIR cove - was a 50' Bayliner - decked out with windsocks on both antennas, blaring 70's rock music, and three - no - four screaming kids on board and two equally loud parents. The Bayliner circled their boat twice - making it roll violently. Then, stopping less than 80 feet away, the behemoth reversed it's engines and the windless dropped their huge Danforth, followed by some 40-50 ft of chain (they were in 30 ft of water) onto the mud below.

The skipper of the sloop was infuriated. The Bayliner had anchored very close to him - when there was no need (the rest of the cove was empty); they had lost their privacy; they had lost their peace and quiet - and now the kids were staring at he and his wife - making faces at them!

He was at a loss of what to do - he wanted to pull the hook and move the boat - but felt violated, and now dinner was cooking and he had put the cockpit cover up, etc. His wife tried to calm him down - telling him that hopefully the other boat would quiet down (no sign of it yet). Nothing worked - from his perspective, the evening was ruined.

Then his wife - the woman for whom he had pledged everything - came up with an idea. She said that she was sure that the wife on the other boat must see what's happening and would surely convince her husband to move their boat.

'Fat chance of that', her husband retorted.

"Oh, I don't know", she said, '…I'm sure she's a reasonable person and a good mother."

"Why on Earth would you say that??" he demanded…

She just smiled at him and began to slowly peel off her blouse and shorts - followed by her panties and bra. He looked at her as if she had lost her mind. Motioning for him to do likewise, he finally caught on - and dropped all of his clothing also. Then both of them headed up out of the cockpit, up onto the deck for a stroll - totally naked.

Oh - did I mention that our couple had let their YMCA membership's lapse? Something about 'spending money on nothing', I believe. Both of them were in their mid 50's, and were, ummmm, oh, you know - a little on the 'plump' side.

Anyhow - no sooner started had they started drinking their beers and strutting around - laughing and tickling each other in the process - when the kids on the Bayliner noticed noticed their state, and started hooting and hollering at them. When the Bayliner mother came back to see what all the noise was about - she took one look and nearly fainted.

The Bayliner husband was then dispatched to the bow to pull up the hook - PROMPTLY. Good wife and mother that she was, the Bayliner mother did not want her children to have their minds warped by the 'degenerate sailors' on the next boat! The Bayliner was gone in less than ten minutes - and the peace and quite returned to the cove as the sun took a header.

The moral of this story? Easy: Remember when the Admiral tells you to stay calm she often has your best interest at heart - especially if she's endured the life of being a boat-owner's wife; and in that she often has ummmm, 'unique' solutions to problems that come up!

-------

Ok - so that's MY contribution - how about your's now??

//sse

ps: And no, I don't have anything ~personal~ against Bayliners. Why on Earth would I?

 

[Davis Modlin]

The same thing pretty much happened to me at Santa Cruz Island in SoCal. But it involved another sailboat and a yapping dog! I was alone in Prisoners which is a good size cove when in comes another sailboat. I didn't think much of it until..........the anchred less than 100ft away and then.. The dog came out. From the moment it came on deck the ^@#(?*^$!%$ thing wouldn't shut-up!!!!
Well as it would happen that I just had a hanker'n for some good ol Rock&Roll at its highest volume. So I set my outside speakers toward them found something that I figured they would just loooove! And viola, The dog magicly stopped. After that the skipper took the dog ashore (a major no no) and was caught by the Ranger. They pulled anchor within 30mins and were gone. The rest of the stay was very pleasent

Davis
E29
#226
Holy Guacamole

 

[Jeff Asbury]

Bull Bayliner!

This is in response to your story from my Father


Jeff,

That Bayliner story is a good one but the techniques to shoo the dastardly and offending boat away seem a bit elaborate. I would prefer hand grenades, available at any Army surplus store. Or, if they are not available, quarter sticks of dynamite would do nicely.

Wait until the offending Bayliner settles in for the night. If you are close enough, lob your dynamite toward the fantail, or wherever the evening meal is being prepared on the rail-mounted grill. Use a long fuse. It enhances the confusion, and might even disguise the direction from which the blast originated. (Try not to throw explosives on the deck of the Bayliner. That could be considered extreme.)

Another good technique, after anchoring your own sailing vessel, set mines in the harbor. Old Vietnam era mines used to be available on the black market. Mines work extremely well as protection against an equally annoying menace. I refer to jet skiers who seem devoted to circling anchored vessels at full throttle with wakes that rival bull Bayliners.

There is an even simpler prevention than any of the above. Do your sailing in Alaska, preferably in or north of Prince William Sound.

Dad

A moment of serious reflection: If my rancor seems unjustified, I almost died one time in the wake of a bull Bayliner as I approached Shilshole Marina north of Seattle on the Puget Sound. I was under sail in my 25-foot Bayfield sloop. And I was alone. Though both vessels were perhaps only 100 to 150 yards from the marina entrance, in crowded condition, that Bayliner 34 came closely abeam at near full throttle. The skipper had his throttle controls in one hand, a large martini in the other. His wake created such violence upon my small sailboat that my boom whipped uncontrollably. My skull suffered a heavy blow. Despite being dazed I managed out of sheer necessity to get my little Yanmar going, get the sails down and pull alongside the guest float where, with blood flooding one eye, I was assisted by my daughter and grandson. I was in the process of picking them up for a several day cruise on the Sound. I ended up in the emergency room. The cruise was canceled. Questions?

Addendum: I stand ready to strip naked if that might dissuade a Bayliner from hurting me with its wake. Since I am 81 with a wizened body to prove it, my nakedness might just do the trick!

 

[Emerald]

Right up there with the boats from Hades are the guests from Hades. Reading these make me remember a weekend cruise with my parents many years ago that turned into an unforgetable trip, for all the wrong reasons. The short version is that my dad invited down a friend of his from out of state. The friend asked if he could bring his twin boys. We said OK. We had never met "the twins". Big mistake. One of them was OK, the other was sent from hell. Nothing would make him happy, nothing would shut him up, nothing could make him act politely. We were ready to feed him to the fishes. Well, I finally got my chance. We (myself and the two twins) rowed our inflatable to shore to play around some. We were anchored on a deserted cove on the Eastern Shore of the Chesapeake, and this was about 30 years ago - very quiet compared to nowadays, no other boats, no housing around us, just fields and woods. We get to shore, and being the perpetual idiot, the twin I'll call J. decided it would be a nice trick to hop in the dinghy and abandon me and his brother on the shore. Well, the Chesapeake has a dark, deep, silt mud that is like none other I have ever seen. I reached down in the water and picked up a nice big handful of the stuff and gave it a lob at J. Direct hit between the shoulder blades, sprays up into his hair, coats his back with that wonderful Chesapeake black goop! Ahh, the fun was just starting. J now has rowed all the way back to our boat, all upset for getting his just returns, and my dad takes one look at him and says no way are you getting onboard coated in that mung. But J didn't want to get into that murkey water to get cleaned off, he tried to come on board anyway. Shall we just leave it at there was a nice big splash and het got the bath he didn't want - poverino as my mother would say - poor little one And no, we didn't have to swim back, he had to come and get us. All in all, a nice ending to an otherwise terrible weekend.


-David
Independence 31
Emerald

 

[Bob in Va]

Bayliner Blues

A friend of mine has retired from his business as a power boat dealer, but he told me last year that at one time he was approached by the Bayliner people to carry their boats, and essentially promised the moon if he would do so. He told them his policy was not to represent a brand unless he had visited the factory, talked with the workers, and seen the product in various stages of completion. Well, the Bayliner folks flew him to the factory and he was allowed to look things over. When he finished, he told them that under no circumstances would he ever even consider selling someone, even an enemy, one of their boats. Today I happened to see a Bayliner sailboat at a marina nearby. Usually I am careful not to criticize boats I think are unattractive. But that one, in two tone burnt mauve and off-gold, no less, was an assault on the senses. I wonder how they sail.

 

[Emerald]

[snip] I wonder how they sail.

Probably like a power boat


-David
Independence 31
Emerald

 

[Jeff Asbury]

They're Beauties all right!

They're Beauties all right!

 

[Jeff Asbury]

Should have read:

Their Beauties all right!

Should have read:

Their Beauties all right!

 

[clohman]

Our first sailboat was a 26' Bayliner - shoal keel. Handled like a cargo container with a jury rig but we got the entire family in her and lived to tell about it. Our first cruise down the Potomac was against a head wind. After several hours of tacking back and forth with that shoal keel, my wife asked - haven't we been here before? Down went the outboard motor...